by Darine Ammache, Clinical Psychologist
If you truly trust someone, can you still feel jealous when others show interest in them?
Yes. Trust and jealousy can exist at the same time because they answer different questions. Trust is about what you believe your partner will do. Jealousy is an emotional response to a real or perceived threat to a relationship you value. You may believe your partner would never betray you and still feel uncomfortable when someone flirts with them. That feeling alone does not mean your trust is false.
Research describes jealousy as involving emotions, thoughts and behaviours, which do not always move together. The distinction becomes clearer when you ask: What exactly am I afraid of? You might trust your partner’s intentions but feel uneasy about another person’s intentions. You might dislike watching someone cross a boundary. Or the moment might touch an older fear of rejection, even though your partner has done nothing wrong.
Attachment research suggests that fear of abandonment can intensify jealousy. A feeling can therefore tell you something about your vulnerability without telling you the truth about your partner’s behaviour. Being protective also depends on what you mean by it. You can care about your relationship, speak up when someone behaves disrespectfully and agree together on boundaries. But checking a partner’s phone, deciding whom they may speak to or treating every interaction as a threat moves from care into control. What matters is how you respond to jealousy, not whether you ever feel it.
Can another person shake your trust? Their attention alone cannot decide whether your partner is trustworthy. Your partner still chooses how to respond and what boundaries to keep. At the same time, trust does not require you to ignore what you see. If your partner repeatedly hides interactions, flirts despite an agreement or dismisses your concerns, your unease may be responding to their behaviour rather than to your own insecurity. Even deep trust is not a promise that you will never feel jealous.
Trust is the ability to notice that feeling, consider the evidence and talk honestly without turning fear into an accusation. You can say, “I trust you, but that interaction made me uncomfortable. Can we talk about it?” A healthy relationship makes room for that conversation. It allows both people to feel heard while leaving both people free to make their own choices. Jealousy asks, “Could I lose something precious?” Trust asks, “Based on what I know of this person, how are they likely to act?” Listen to both questions. Then let your response be guided by your partner’s actions and your shared boundaries, rather than by fear alone.
Research informing this article Rodriguez et al. (2015), “The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse.” Partner Abuse. PMID: 28386379. Sharpsteen & Kirkpatrick (1997), “Romantic jealousy and adult romantic attachment.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. PMID: 9120787. Richter et al. (2022), “Adult Attachment and Personality as Predictors of Jealousy in Romantic Relationships.” PMID: 35496148.